Do you keep going around and around in your fights not accomplishing anything but hurt feelings?
Is your constant fighting threatening to seriously damage your emotional connection and your family?
According to couple’s researcher John Gottman, couples who regularly use behaviors like defensiveness, criticism and blame tend to eventually break up. In a practical sense, they begin to have more negative interactions than positive (5 to 1) versus happy couples who have the opposite ratio.
What happens to our bodies during fights?
A key distinction between those who stay together and those who break up is not THAT they fight, it’s HOW they fight. For example, when women, who tend to bring up about 80% of the issues in a relationship, start the conversation harshly, over time that predicts breakup. Or if one of the partners gets “flooded” physiologically during an argument, that’s another warning sign for the relationship. Recent research shows that men typically get more biologically upset during conflicts with their partner (in ways like increased heart rate, perspiration and secretion of stress hormones), which makes it even more important that women bring up issues in a balanced and non-accusing way. When either sex begins to get upset or threatened, blood is literally shunted away from the “smart” part of our brain, located in the frontal lobe and moves to our more primal brain where the fight or flight response is stored.
Want to stop fighting, repair your family and find closeness and peace again?
To learn effective and research-based skills to resolving conflict and strengthening your relationship, contact our team of experienced couple’s therapists today. We will answer any questions you may have and get you started on the path to healing. Often significant improvements can be accomplished in 4-6 sessions. The Center accepts many forms of insurance and we offer weekend and evening appointments for your convenience. Contact us to make an appointment.
